I got a summer haircut. and I love it.

tiny me.

something you should know.

love it will not betray you
dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
be more like the man you were made to be

{sigh no more by mumford and sons}

my own way.

"Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.

You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble."

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet."

{james 4.1-10, the message}

the story.

damn. good. song.

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...
I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do...
I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...
I was made for you

{the story by brandi carlisle}

truth.

his ways.

oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God.
how unfathomable (inscrutable, unsearchable) are His judgments.
how untraceable (mysterious, undiscoverable) are His ways.
romans 11.33

percy.

percy warner park in nashville. love. I spend a significant amount of my free time here...

passport.

send me to africa. I'm ready now.

a b c.

I just got this alphabet print from ikea for my new house. I can't wait to put it up. it makes me happy just to look at.

my love follows.

More wishes than a thousand hearts can count for you
More smiles than a merry-go-round
The sweetest ending to a bed-time story told
My love follows you where you go

More laughter than a kindergarten out to play
One Sunday morning song that says it all
More summer than a California beach can hold
My love follows you where you go

Future like a promise - and you're a city of Gold
Stubborn in your bones and Jesus in your soul
Seeing you stand there - staring at the unknown
I won't pretend that it's not killing me
Watching you walk away slow

Take forgiveness - take a prayer - take the deepest breath
Take the answers in your heart
When you wake up and the world is cruel and cold
My love follows you where you go

{alison krauss}

dang I love this song. it is lovely bluegrass perfection.

fleet foxes.

I want to be besties with them.

whys.

"I lay my 'whys?' before Your cross in worship kneeling, my mind beyond all hope, my heart beyond all feeling; and worshiping, realize that I, in knowing You, don't need a 'why?'"
{Ruth Bell Graham}

"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose."
{Romans 8:28}

tide.

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, 'til it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." {Harriet Beecher Stowe}

the countdown is on.

it's one more week until I turn 30. and I promise this will be the very last post about it.

promise. (ahem, paul and joren.)

the real countdown is ON. you know, the one where every night I go to sleep and say to myself "this is the last wednesday of my 20s" etc.

a few weeks ago, a girl I had just met asked me "wow, so, you're 30th birthday is coming up. is there anything you thought you would have by now that you don't have?"

my immediate reaction was to call her out on such a rude way of asking around her real question - did you think you might be married with kids like most people are?

no one ever asks me this. ever.

people by now, I think, know what a soul-crushing thing it is to ask a person that. especially a woman, at age 30. single. no kids.

but she did. and I was pleasant to her. I hope... I think I said something like "umm, well, gosh that's a hard question to ask."

"I don't like to plan. nothing ever turns out like I plan."

and I'm not just saying that...

I've never had big dreams or visions for a wedding. could not tell you what colors I would have or what song we would dance to. I've never even been sure I want kids. those things, I think, if they happen, will just fall into place.

I can never answer the questions - where would you want to live? a new house or a cool renovated one? do you prefer to vacation at the sea or mountains? what would your dream job be?

is that strange?

I don't know... planning like that is just not my thing.

I'm better at things I know are going to happen. flight booked to france - great. hotels, directions, language books, check, check, check. that's my type of planning.

so the answer to her question - is there something you thought you would have but don't?

no. everything has been a surprise.

and I am hoping and praying for many more years of good surprises to come.

so if you have any words of wisdom for me and a huge number of my friends who all turn 30 this year - please share. I'll take your words to heart this week as I countdown the last days...

and speaking of "last days", have you all heard that jesus may be coming back on may 21. I'm ready for it whenevs, but that could be really ideal timing...

love, age 7.

when I was in second grade I had a crush on a boy named t.j roebuck.

he sat next to me in miss adair's class. this was the year that my class met in a trailer just to the side of the school property. I can still remember bounding down the steps to class. walking with my friend brandy.

my mom will still tell you that she didn't like that they put such young kids out there - should have been the older ones.

anyway, the trailer has nothing to do with this story. except that it is the scene of the event.

the event was valentine's day. we all brought valentines to give to everyone in the class. no one got left out. I don't really remember, but knowing myself, I am sure that I labored over which card from the set to give to t.j. I wish I could remember what theme the set was... care bears maybe? barbie? unicorns more likely. I loved unicorns.

I was wearing my favorite light pink dress. brandy had a matching lavender one.

I was sitting next to t.j. on the day of our party and we were having special snacks and passing out valentines.

I remember that t.j and I were being silly and putting the cups over our mouths and lips and sucking in the air. you know, like creating a suction to stick the cup to our face.

mine was affixed firmly in the very moment that t.j. popped the bottom of the cup so hard it busted my lip open.

blood. tears.

I couldn't fathom how quickly the scene had turned. one moment, giddy with excitement over shared valentines, fun and games with boy I liked. 7 year old love.

and now pain. and t.j. laughing. realizing he didn't like me back. without him having to say it. no one would be able to inflict such pain on someone they care for.

its a terrible thing for a little girl to realize that someone she cares for doesn't like her back.

age 7, 30, or 70, the lesson remains the same: don't be reckless with a person's heart.

nada.

whenever I travel to spanish speaking countries, and am going through customs at the airport, this sign always catches my attention. I don't know why, but something about it speaks to me. "nada que declarar" - nothing to declare. literally, it means I'm not bringing anything into the country that should be taxed. but that's kind of how I always feel in life. nothing to declare. I'm fine. I'll be fine.

tangled.

a few weeks ago, on a lazy, rainy friday in the office, we shut the doors, blacked out the windows, and decked ourselves out in high-tech 3D glasses. we all brought in our lunches and spent the lunch hour watching "tangled" on our 3D screen in the conference room. just another typical animation company geek lunch...

that was the first time I had seen "tangled" - but I had been wanting to for a while.

it is the quintessential disney story. a retelling of the classic tale of rapunzel.

a little girl, who is actually a princess (of course), is stolen away as a baby by the evil witch, who discovers that her hair has magical powers to heal, as well as restore and maintain youth. so the girl grows up, far away from the kingdom, alone in a tall tower, only visited by the witch who claims to be her loving mother. every year on her birthday, rapunzel sees tiny lights, far away, glowing and floating into the sky. when a runaway palace criminal finds his way into her tower, her life is changed forever. she finally musters the courage to leave the tower, to seek the lights - to live the life she has dreamed of.

one of my co-workers pointed this out - and I love the metaphors throughout the movie about how the witch tries to persuade and coerce her into believing lies about herself so that she would never want to leave. much like satan whispers to us in our weakest, innermost thoughts, convincing us to believe we are not good enough to be given the things we dream of.

this story, and the hundreds like it before, is one of the very reasons why little girls start believing from a very young age that their life is not complete until their prince comes. it's not until the boy arrives on the scene that rapunzel gains the courage to truly live her life. with someone by her side, its easier to take the risks, easier to face the challenges.

I don't think this is untrue. I just know its not true for everyone. where does that leave the little girls who grow up waiting and hoping, and their prince never comes? not all stories end in such a lovely way.

toward the end of the movie, the witch pulls one final trick. she forces the boy to leave in order to save rapunzel's life. but rapunzel doesn't know that. she thinks he left her. she thinks he walked away when it got hard.

but, we know how this story ends... it's a fairy tale, after all. he comes back for her.

this little girl has never had anyone come back who walked away.

my heart is tangled once again.

there are three things I can identify with rapunzel.

one - this world is like a tall tower in a hidden meadow. while filled with endless distractions, its ultimately lonely.

two - like her, I am a chaser of mysterious bright lights in the sky. I'm restless when settled, and always dreaming of an adventure.

and three - we are both daughters of the king. and one day, I'll be restored to the palace to live with Him forever. and I trust that the hurt and tears felt in my lonely tower will be forgotten in light of the joy of finally being with Him.

no four - I, too, have magical long blond hair. don't tell anyone.

this is my prayer for all the hurting little girls in the world. that they would know there is restoration and redemption in jesus. and it may not be on this side of heaven that we are complete. we have to wait until the very end of the story for the good stuff to happen. and that will be the best story ever dreamed of.

in the meantime, in order to fully live, I'm going to have to stop intently staring out the window for a man who is not coming, or not coming back. in true fairy tale fashion, if he does come, surely it must be by surprise.

maybe on a magic carpet busting through the roof?